Synopsis 2009

Well... it's been a busy year. Lots has happened and yet, in some ways, nothing has happened.

The weather sucked just about all year. The first nine months were the coldest we'd had ever, and September was summer... it was hotter than August. October saw winter hit like a ton of bricks, with snow and everything, but then it all melted, Halloween was snow free and November was fall. Then winter returned with a vengeance in early December and it's been bitterly cold ever since, except for a short stretch of above normal temps. With snow. Did I mention snow? We have lots. So out of the 12 months of 2009, I think about 10 1/2 were below normal temps. That sucks. Why do I live here again???

The beginning of the year saw a change of name for my blog, after I discovered that I am, in fact, not a true Ponygirl... At least, not in that way... I am, in truth, a horsewoman.

Or was, until I finally gave in to the fact that my back can no longer stand up to the rigors of rocking back and forth in the saddle. (Take it away, boys!) So I made the very tough decision to put Thunder up for sale. That was in February. He remains there to this day... the very last day of the year. A few false hopes along the way, and one possible leasing option open right now (which is actually looking very good so keep your fingers crossed for me!). So with Thunder, not a lot has happened, other than I have not been on him since the spring, and probably never will again. I'm sad, yes, but resigned to not riding ever again. Guess I can't really call myself a cowgirl anymore, than, can I?

In March, my oldest best friend, Debbie, was diagnosed with cancer. When you've known someone for 37 years... and it's not a family member, so it's by choice... this kind of news is like being hit by a bus... But there's good news: she's had surgery and it was caught quickly; no need for radiation or chemo but frequent follow ups are keeping tabs on things to make sure she stays cancer free. My heart damn near stopped at that time... there have been way too many losses in my life already and I sure as hell didn't want her added to that list. At least not now... when we are 95 and sitting on the porch of the nursing home, in our rockers, giving the orderlies a hard time... if she wants to keel over dead then, well, I'll let her... but not before!

The animal tales have continued through the year, with antics from the cats posted here and there. Rabbits in the front yard, with Pips attempting to give chase through the livingroom window. Summer saw the addition of Lila. I must have a rubber arm, as the girls at the vet clinic saw a golden opportunity to find a home for a wee pretty kitten. Who knew that this little fluff ball would turn into this gorgeous thing just a few months later? She still likes to get into my pants... (waits for the comments to fly on that one...) now as much as she did a few months ago.

This year didn't see horrendous outlays of cash for the critters... no one crawled down the heating ducts (I've ditched the name 'That Damn Cat' as she's quite well behaved now, approaching the age of three - tomorrow!), no one required major surgery and all remained healthy.

That is, until this fall, when BB, the oldest cat (by a long shot - he turned 15 in June) really started to fail. He never got ill or arthritic in his old age... but kitty Alzheimer's definitely set in. In the autumn, he began spending his nights in the spare bedroom, locked away from the two youngsters, who seemed to take delight in jumping on him and making his yell. At night. When I was asleep. Or trying to. So he got set up in the luxury suite with canned catfood and dry kibble, a water bowl, a litter box and a snuggly blanket. I put in a nightlight for him and left the curtain open so he could jump up on the dresser and look out the window if his little heart desired such.

He seemed quite happy with this arrangement, especially since he slept most of the time. But he always ate all the food and used the litter box. Never heard a peep out of him in there. He also really enjoyed me picking him up and carrying him around, purring contentedly in my arms.

But he was getting skinny. Losing muscle mass. He would spend the entire day lying in the sun on the back of the couch. I'd come home and take him to the litter box, where he'd have a huge pee. Then I'd put him in front of the kibble that is available to all three cats 24/7 and he'd eat. But he just didn't remember to go do that on his own.

And he started scratching himself raw... losing hair all over the place and generally becoming a total mess. I just attributed it to his propensity for overgrooming (which he'd been doing for years) and treated all the scratches and patches with ointments and even went so far as to make him a little jacket to protect his skin.

Then when I take Lila in to be spayed at the end of October, I find out she has fleas. FLEAS! In October, of all things! The vet said there'd been an outbreak of flea infestations in the fall due to the hot weather in September. But since all three cats are house cats and never go outside, the only thing we could figure out was the rabbit population kept depositing the little suckers in the grass in my yard and they'd hitched a ride into the house on the dog. No one else seemed bothered by them, but obviously BB was allergic to the bites and was going crazy!

I felt so bad about that and treated everyone and the house (with wall to wall carpeting everywhere - so no mean feat!) many times over.

BB continued to decline, despite the pest problem being taken care of, so December 4th I took him to the vet for one last time. The vet even commented on how vacant his look was, checking to make sure he could see - he really did have that 'lights on but no one home' look. So my old man went to sleep, to dream and to play in the great kitty playground in the sky, no longer skinny, no longer itchy and forever loved. It's been tough... I keep expecting to see him. I miss the old guy...

The dating scene has been an adventure, to be sure! I won't go into many details other than to say I've been on quite a few 'meet and greets', holding no expectations with any of them. And rightly so. Some have just been totally wrong the instant we met. Others could have held potential but never went anywhere. One has become a good friend. And one has kept in contact despite a distance issue... he's interested, as am I... so the Saga of the Land Baron continues... with emails and phone calls... and to start the New Year off, a day spent together soon - arrangements pending. This one I am quite excited about. He's really wanting to see me, but issues with family and their health, plus the distance, plus my work and my dog, have kept that from happening. After today's conversation, we are putting together a plan... I'm sure there will be some mention of it in future posts, so stay tuned!

Work is work... dialysis is a growth industry and we are busier than ever. But I also very recently applied for a job outside of nursing but where my nursing knowledge is very applicable... I'd really like to retire from the physical side of nursing, as my poor old bod is beat up from years of standing, hefting patients about and all the other stuff that we nurses do. I'd love to get a Monday to Friday, sit in front of a computer kind of job. And that's what this one is. But they will only contact those applicants they wish to interview, so I'm not holding my breath. With the holidays, there's been no word, so I don't know if I should attribute it to that or to them not being interested in me. I'll let you know when I know!

I think the biggest thing for me this year has been on a personal level. Despite being super busy all the time, there has been a pervading sense of mortality in life in general. I've known quite a few people who've lost someone, or who have been seriously ill themselves, with life altering results. The preciousness of friends and family comes to the fore at times like that. I strive to tell those I care about that I love them. You just never know when someone will be taken away from life as we know it. The reminders of humanity's fragility are all around us. Take note. Tell them you care. I do. I am. Right now.

So, as 2009 dwindles down (it is almost 10 pm here on New Year's Eve in Winterpeg right now), I wish for each and every one of you the best in 2010. May you all find love and health and happiness, in whatever forms are important to you. Know that I care. For those who have become my good friends through this Cyber Universe, I love you all and send huge, warm hugs out through the Ethernet. My life has been enriched in so many ways from my relationships with everyone I know, even though I've not met quite a few of you.

So have a blast doing whatever you're doing tonight! See ya next year!!!

Year End Approacheth...

... and on the final day of the year, there will be a post with a concise and thorough synopsis of the year's momentous events, itemized, fully detailed and on the mark.

Yeah, right! Who am I kidding?

I'll blather on about all the crap that's happened, hopefully make it amusing to some degree so that you'll get a laugh out of it.

It was what is was... and it's all water under the bridge now.

Until then, take care of yourselves, have fun and stay warm and safe.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!!

This is much too funny not to share... Enjoy!

Is this the real end?

There have been a few false alarms.

People who say yes... and then say oh, no thanks, I've changed my mind.

It's been eleven months since the decision was made.

And tomorrow, a lady is having the vet out to the barn to do a pre-purchase exam on Thunder. You only do that if you are dead serious about buying the horse and want to make sure he's sound and healthy.

Which Thunder is... he's healthy as a... well... as a horse!

So this may be it. The end of my horsewomanly days. The demise of Ponygirl completely. My heart is so torn, but my back won't allow me to ride anymore. And a horse is a very expensive pet, especially when living on one income and money is tight.

If it goes through, it will be a good home for him. The woman is an experienced horsewoman; Thunder will be a Christmas present for her young daughter; they have three other horses so he'd have company. They live close to a huge provincial park with lots of trails.

I truly hope they appreciate what a special horse he is. He was near death's door at 2 1/2 and survived on sheer will power and some of my nursing skills. He's got an amazing personality and his work ethic is wonderful - he always tries to do what you ask of him without getting pissed off.

He's curious, respectful, hilarious and personable. And he's very well trained... he's got about 9 months or more of professional training, plus the years that I have put on him.

But it is breaking my heart to think that he'll be gone. I just had to deal with putting down my old cat, and now it looks like my horse is finally going to sell.

I'll miss him....

His mouth runneth over...

The first time, I thought it was just nerves.

It's always a bit tense when meeting someone for the first time. Especially when that meeting has the intent of sizing one up for the potential of courtship, relationship... whatever-ship.

He talked. And talked. Oh, how he talked! Not mindless blather... He's educated, well read, well traveled and interesting. But the three face to face meetings and the two phone calls made it clear there would be no 'me' in that kind of a relationship.

When there is no getting a word in edgewise for one party, there is no conversation. There is the telling on one part and the listening on the other. Nothing more. And when he paused and I could speak, always he latched on to something I said to weave into his own tale. Which he would interject... effectively cutting me off.

So I emailed him to say there was no connection for me, no spark.

I had to laugh when he told me that when first starting to get to know someone, he is cautious and distant.

I didn't have the heart to tell him he yammered on like a lonely old woman!

Be the best YOU...

Be all you can be... but be YOU! The best YOU you can be...

It may take you to places you never thought possible, doing things you never thought possible.

Here is one little redhaired girlie's story.

Listen Up, Jimmy and Map!

Now, since I am expecting you two to show up in kilts, and since Map is already ironing the pleats in his to perfection, (you had better be doing the same, Jimmy!), I thought I would show you just how you need to be outfitted for your trip to the pub for a few pints on me.

No... not like that! (There'll be no sipping Guinness from my navel... I have no desire to be killed by two murderously angry women, thanks very much.) Your payment for showing up decked out in your kilts, looking all smart and handsome, is a few free rounds on my tab.

Just want you to be aware of how decked out you should be, so pay attention to the lads in this clip. They've got it right...

Sing Along Now...

I left my haaaaaaand..... in San Deeeee-aayyyyyyy-go...

Just kidding!!!!




I was going through some old photos yesterday and happened upon this one. When I lived in San Diego, California in the mid 90s, I had a San Diego Zoological Society membership. It included both the zoo and the Wild Animal Park.

I had the opportunity to go on a photo safari at the Wild Animal Park one summer. OMG! I loved it!

In the photo above, I am feeding some apples to Bertha, a very pregnant Black Rhino. Her belly was so big, it was almost on the ground. She didn't move too far away from the feed bin, I can tell you! She calved a couple of weeks after this photo was taken.

It was the most awesome experience and if anyone ever visits the San Diego area, spending the money for a photo safari is well worth it. You clamber into the back of a 5 ton truck (something even a pissed off rhino can't flip over) and drive through the almost 400 acre park, up close and personal with the different species of wildlife inhabiting the park.

Somewhere I have a photo of me feeding a carrot to a giraffe... from my mouth! His 18" long black tongue (go for it, Jimmy!) is wrapped around the carrot in the picture. Just to save some of you from throwing up... his tongue never touched me. :-)

The End of the Road

It was time. A long time coming... but now it was time.

It had been many years ago that BB came into my life. The 'BB' stands for Blackbeard Bunnybutt. He's a black and white longhaired Manx. Lots of white on his face but with a black chin - that's the Blackbeard part. And the Bunnybutt... well, that is self explanatory when you see his stumpy tail.


In 1994, I was living in Texas. I went back to Canada for a vacation and spent some time at the barn where my horse was living. (She was staying in Canada while I was down South.) There was a litter of kittens at the barn and they were just too cute! I ended up taking one little guy home with me - at the tender age of 7 weeks.


In the years that BB has been with me, he's put on many miles across both Canada and the USA. He started off in Lethbridge, Alberta. He then flew to McAllen, Texas. A year later, it was a long drive to San Diego, California. Three years after that, in 1998, another very long and hot drive to Winnipeg, Manitoba, back in Canada. 1999 saw relocation to the Vancouver, BC area. 2003 it was back to Winnipeg... well, technically, east of Winnipeg on an 80 acre hobby farm. (Which meant nothing to him as he's been a house cat his entire life.) In 2007, a move into the city and then in 2008, the final move to the house I bought.


He hated moving. He hated being put in a carrier. He'd moo like a lost calf when put in a carrier. He always made me laugh when he did that. I don't think he liked me laughing at him either... I got the evil eye many times!

Having been born in a barn, anytime any horse stuff came to the house, he immediately climbed on. It must have brought comforting memories for him.


He was a goofy guy... loved plastic. Who knows why, but he'd lick any plastic container he came across. And would literally hang out in a plastic shopping bag for an hour or more... on the door knob.


For years, he would play fetch. You'd throw a crumpled up ball of paper, he'd fly after it, and bring it back to be dropped at your feet. Then he'd sit and wait for you to throw it again. Over and over... I swear he was part retriever!


But... now... He was getting skinny. He had a vacant look in his eyes most of the time. Not in any pain that I could determine, as he walked around just fine but just losing any will to be 'alive'. He'd forget to eat... forget to go to the litter box. Didn't have any accidents but when I would put him in it, he'd pee up a storm. He'd willingly eat if I put him in front of the food (which is out 24/7 in the basement) but never seemed to remember it was there for the taking.

I had to set him up in the spare bedroom at night, with food (wet and dry) water and a litter box, so that the two younger cats wouldn't jump on him and make him scream. I know they just wanted to play, but he sure as hell didn't!

I discovered he is wickedly allergic to flea bites. The hot September we had this fall saw an explosion in the flea population outside and some hitched a ride into the house on the dog. No one else was bothered, but BB scratched and chewed himself bloody and raw. I sprayed and powdered and bathed him and everything in the house. To no avail. I used cortisone cream to alleviate the itching. His coat came out in clumps. You couldn't touch him without a squawk or an itch.

I felt so bad but I was doing all I could to keep him comfortable.

But on Tuesday, the last straw occurred. He had a seizure. That was the deciding factor.

So this morning we made the one last trip to the vet's. They know me well there. And they know him too. He is usually very hard to handle and flips out if someone he doesn't know touches him. Today he growled, even as the needle was in and the drug was beginning to work. But he didn't flinch. Just grumbled his usual grumble.

I stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead, holding him close as he slipped away.

Goodbye, little man. I love you and miss you. Thanks for all the memories. It's been a slice!

Dream Big!!!

Never give up on your dreams. Success may be just around the corner.

Already Gone

Love her voice! American Idol's very first winner... for obvious reasons. :-)

"The real voyage of discovery consists

not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes."

- Marcel Proust

Laser Vision

For those of you who do or have ever lived with cats, you know that they have *ahem* special powers. (At least, in their own minds, they think they do...)

They are able to see beings from other dimensions that are not visible to the lowly human eye. They give chase, catch, mangle and kill those dimensional beings to keep our universe safe. (Of course, we think they've had a little too much catnip...)

They are able to leap tremendous heights, fling themselves through the air, twisting and turning, performing acrobatic feats of unparalleled skill. (They are, of course, going to deny every missed landing and bungled attempt with some rather pathetic excuse...)

Another thing they would have us believe is the awesomeness of their laser vision. Herein you will find a breakdown of the various types and colours of kitty laser vision and the uses for each (according to those three cats who reside in my household, at any rate).

This is the rare Neodymium laser,
useful for vaporizing opponents in tight spaces.

Here we have an example of Argon lasers, shortly after discharge.
These lasers are used when Kitty is in a threatening situation.

Argon lasers fully charged and ready to fire.
Note the intense focus of the lasers.

The Krypton laser slices and dices mice and other rodents with ease.
Here we see one laser charged.

The extremely rare Xenon lasers - reserved for the most serious of situations...
as in 'Don't dare to disturb me while I am relaxing.'

Krypton lasers can be supercharged in the event a rodent is ginormous.

Then there are the elderly whose lasers are no longer functional
and who just don't give a rat's ass!

Steamed

I'm miffed... at Mother Nature.

The unseasonable weather we've had all bloody year, with a brutal winter last winter, cool and soggy spring that lasted until the end of August, the three weeks of blazing hot sunny summer we got in September and the extended warm and sunny fall we've been enjoying right up to the present (which will continue until well into December, if I have my way) has wreaked havoc on the environment and us lowly humans in many ways. I won't go into any of them except the one that has affected me directly!

FLEAS!!!!!

Yes, you heard me right... fleas! Of all things! I have always kept everyone well groomed, manicured and clean. For crying in the sink, no animal in my house has had a flea problem in over 20 years! Until now... and the weather is to blame.

It would appear that the hot weather in September led to a flea infestation in the cute little bunnies that inhabit this little corner of the universe. Actually, the rabbits are an infestation in and of themselves. There are so many it is ridiculous! But they are cute and harmless and I don't have a garden that they can destroy, so who cares.

Except... now I do! Because they are the bearers of the fleas. And the bunnies runneth through my yard on a whim. They flit under the fences, hang out under the deck, congregate in the grass, depositing pellets absolutely everywhere (but that seems to counteract the dog pee so the lawn actually looks pretty good).

All of which is well and good, until the little buggers also deposit fleas in the grass, which my dog then gives a ride into the house.

The end of October, I took Lila in to the vet's to be spayed. She was six months old on the 27th, so for her birthday, she got her girlie parts removed. Not that she needed them, and she certainly hasn't missed them.

The vet tech gives me a call that afternoon to tell me that the surgery went well and Lila is fine but...

Now, I don't like hearing that word when it comes to any of my animals, because it usually means very big bucks (recall "That Damn Cat" and the heat duct episode?), which are in very short supply at the moment. The 'but' this time was fleas. Lila has fleas.

I am dumbfounded! All three of the cats are house cats - they don't go outside... ever! And Lila, being a baby, has only ever been outside - twice - in a carrier going from house to vehicle to vet and back again. She's never even set foot on soil in her life!

So where the hell did the fleas come from??? The only one of the four (three cats, one dog) who was scratching and itching was BB, the old man, and he'd been doing that for years. I had noticed that he'd really been going to town on himself and I was having to medicate some of the areas he was scratching raw, but I just figured it was something a 15 1/2 year old cat would do. Especially one that had always been a bit of an overzealous groomer.

They sprayed Lila, as well as spayed her. She came home with a naked belly and a bottle of flea spray . Which I promptly used on everyone, dog included. Once a week. But man! it stinks! And poor Pips spits all over the place and foams at the mouth and is in obvious distress when I use it on her.

So I decided to change tactics. I poured some of the flea spray into the pet shampoo bottle and gave all three cats a bath tonight. The dog is wearing a flea collar and I can't bathe her by myself. (You try keeping 100 lbs of dog in the tub with one hand while trying to scrub away at that ginormous body with the other... it just ain't possible.)

Needless to say, the cats are safely ensconced in the spare bedroom with a space heater going so they can dry out and groom in warmth. I don't need three soggy cats on the livingroom furniture or my bed...

But I am sure you can figure out for yourselves that they are none too pleased with me...

That stuff tastes like shit... or something...

GAK!! It's even between my toes...

Water in my ear... water in my ear... gotta geddit out... gotta geddit out...

I mean... REALLY... how could you???

(licklicklicklicklicklick)

What the hell just happened???

Up Date

Because Scarlet is hooked on the sordid tales of my nonexistent love life... because Savannah lives vicariously through my adventures in Datingdom, because Jimmy and Map seem confused about the male species here across the pond, I am going to give you all a (hopefully) brief synopsis of the events of the past week.

I cruise through the profiles on the dating website... looking... reading... briefly assessing potential. I have almost (but not) completely given up on initiating first contact because it just doesn't seem to amount to much. A few brief emails, often rather cryptic in nature, and then it all fizzles out to nothing.

Sometimes, a guy will send me an email. I will then go read their profile and make a decision on whether or not a positive response is appropriate. Sometimes, it is a thanks for the email but no bloody way! Other times, it is a little email conversation... On rare occasions, it results in a 'meet and greet'. More often than not, that meet and greet is the first and last contact. On even rarer occasions, that meet and greet will result in a couple more 'dates'.

I did have what seemed like a promising 'meet and greet' a while back that did result in a few more dates. Nice guy, we seemed to hit it off but when things got a little snuggly on the last date, something happened (or maybe didn't?) and he was never seen nor heard from again. Whatever...

I had an email conversation with a guy a couple weeks back. I initiated it. He'd been to my profile (the website is set to show that if you want others to see your visits - you can be invisible in your cruising as well, if you want to lurk) so I read his profile, thought he sounded interesting, so I sent him a 'hi, how are you?' I always try to make some kind of a comment that relates in some way to something he put in his profile.

He emailed back something about being out on a limb, big changes looming, and that he was sick. Alrighty, then.... I wished him well in the changes and hoped he get better soon and left it at that. He went back and forth a few times with little bits of sentences, separated by many ...s, with little substance and a 'maybe soon we could meet for a coffee'. Then a couple days later, a 'maybe next week, we could meet cuz I'm still in the midst of those big changes'. Then nothing. No bother. I have a very strong feeling (I'm terribly perceptive, you know) that he's a loon and I don't want to have anything to do with him.

Just a couple of nights ago, a guy emailed me. Started with 'Are you there?' Um... hello... You can see that I am logged in... So I emailed back and said hi... after I read his profile. Had to comment on the no photos aspect of it.

I really do prefer to see who I am talking to. Because I have had the experience of emailing back and forth with someone who came across as bright and witty, but when he emailed me a photo (after I asked several times), I was looking at a giant troll! Egads it was scary! I was looking at a man who was 6'5", easily well over 350 lbs, with unruly black hair that was in dire need of a trim, and with a giant black caterpillar crawling across his forehead. A nose that could reel in a 20 lb. trout and lips that probably quivered with each word, they looked so much like raw liver, I rolled my chair back from the computer monitor! I could certainly see why he didn't post a photo on his profile. I had to politely back pedal out of that one because no matter who nice someone is, there isn't a hope in hell I could see myself with someone who looked like that.

Now, I am not so superficial to think that looks are everything... they are not. I am as equally concerned with what exists in a man's head and heart as what his exterior looks like. It has to be a package deal. Most of us meet someone and are attracted to them physically first, before we get to know them personally. It is the personal side that determines if any kind of a relationship is going to develop.

So... back to the guy from a couple of nights ago. (Okay, so this isn't so brief... ) In the course of our little email conversation, he kept saying "you'll like what you see", "you won't be disappointed". Well, wasn't he just full of himself??? Yes, he was a good looking guy... and he's a pilot (I didn't tell him I get airsick in small planes...) and he travels lots. He wants someone to travel with him. I'd love to travel. But not with someone who has the attitude that he's god's gift to women. That's a little too much ego for me thankyouverymuch.

Remember a while back, I blogged about Mr. I live too far away to be spontaneous but still like you and want to get to know you? We're still in contact, although it has been quite sporadic. And at one point, we were talking on the phone and he was asking a lot of stuff that I felt was a little too personal for someone I'd spent all of about 3 hours with and had talked to four times. I got a little testy, we hung up and I figured that was the end of it. Oh well, I thought, too bad because he really was a hottie and had been great fun to talk to and spend a bit of time with. But I figured, given the distance and that phone call, it was over and done with.

So imagine my surprise when he called the other day and asked when I next have some time off. Remember, he's a 'land baron', which in all reality means he sold a huge chunk of his farm and is no longer actively farming and has time on his hands. And he's 47... Not bad, eh? I'm taking this at face value, because of course, I have no way to actually verify that, although (being the internet sleuth that I am) I can verify that in the spring he did indeed have an unreserved auction of farm equipment. So that lends credence to what he has told me so far. He's kept 640 acres that he leases out, so someone else farms it and pays him for the use of the land.

Mr. Land Baron (which is soooo much easier to type out than Mr. I live too far away to be spontaneous but still like you and want to get to know you) is still interested even after I basically told him I was uncomfortable with what he was asking and cut the phone call short. I thought about the situation myself, of course, and decided that I would not, absolutely would not, call him. If anything was going to happen, he would have to think about the situation and decide if he'd been too forward and if he wanted to do something about it. It appears he did. We didn't talk about that in the last phone call, but he did ask when I was free. He initially asked me if I could come to where he is, but I said unless I could bring the dog, no I couldn't. 'Ah... the dog... I forgot about the dog.' he said. Yup. The dog is a part of my life and cannot be ignored. (No one in my family will dogsit for me because she's a drooler. She's the sweetest, quietest, most effortless dog to have in the house, but it's the drool that kills it. I do supply the towels...) So I told him that I am off Nov. 20 - 22. That's it. If he wants to see me, he's got to make the effort to come into town to see me. I let him tell me he'd make that effort. We'll see. Nothing concrete has been set but he did say he'd probably see me then...

Monday evening, I was reading some of the newest profiles online. There was a brief one, no photos, that twigged something in my brain. Seemed familiar. Not anything in the details but just the feel of it, the jist of it... I just looked and left it at that. The next day, after I get home and go online, I have an email that I have a message on the dating site. So I log in and look... and I was right! (yes, that was a previous post just the other day) So we ended up emailing back and forth. Nothing more than that, but a brief rekindling of the friendship we started a year ago. Again, I will not be the one to pursue contact. I will not push it. That doesn't work. I have learned that the hard way and won't do it again. If someone wants to see me, and I am interested, I will leave that up to him to initiate. This one, I would would like very much to have contact me to get together. I don't know if that will ever happen. But one can hope, right?

So that, in a nutshell (yes, I know... it is a very large nutshell), is what's been happening in the Dating Life and Times of Ponita in the vast hinterland of the Canadian Prairies. Now just how exciting is that!

Breaking Up

Jonas... you made my day!!!

In the comments section of my previous post, Jonas left a link for a video. I laughed so hard, I just had to share it with all of you! OMG!!! It is funny!

Tell me this doesn't make you smile out loud!!!

I can't tell... is it half empty or half full???

Remembrance Day

Lest We Forget

My father was in the Royal Canadian Air Force. He never saw battle, but proudly serve our country for many years. I have uncles and grandfathers who served as well, some in battle, others in non-combat positions. One uncle came back with a metal plate in his head.

After my parents divorced and my mum remarried, I discovered my stepfather had served in the Forces as well. As a very young man (he lied about his age and was 17 when he enlisted, I believe) he fought on the beach in Normandy. He was one of the very few survivors from his battalion and to the day he died, he felt guilty that so many of his comrades had died and he had not. It brought him to tears. I cannot even begin to imagine the horror soldiers feel when going into battle, having to kill others and watching their own get killed. Especially a teenager.

Today is Remembrance Day. I was at a meeting this morning and we showed our respect to the troops, both past and present, by listening to this rendition of Taps. This is done by a Dutch girl, Melissa Venema, who was 13 at the time of the performance. It is called Il Silenzio, and is a formal rendition of Taps. Needless to say, we all had tears in our eyes. Taps was played at my father's funeral... the standard rendition. This would have been my choice if I had known about it then.

I was right

Browsing through profiles on the dating website last night, I came across a new one, with no photo, that I hadn't seen before.

I read lots of them. And I have the thing set so that they can see when I visited. Cuz you never know who's out there and if they might be interesting... or interested.

I read this profile and thought to myself... for some reason, this makes me think of a guy I dated for a bit a year ago. The guy who 'wanted to be friends' but who disappeared after saying that and I never heard from him again.

Turns out it is him! He sent me a 'well hello' email today. We emailed back and forth a few times. I KNOW NOW (oops... damn kitten... jumping on the keyboard...) now know what's been happening since then. Well, a brief synopsis anyway. It's been a bugger of a year for him, that's for sure.

But it was all very friendly and nice to hear from him. I have no idea if it will ever be more than just that - a few emails back and forth - but since I liked him then and was rather perturbed with what happened then, I will let it play out which ever way it's going to go.

And I was just thinking today, as I was driving home, that I was going to delete my profile and be done with the whole damn thing anyway. Now I am kind of glad I hadn't done that!

Mad.. as in Hatter

At work today, someone had left lying about a copy a a small magazine entitled 'Preview'.

It gives little write-ups about up and coming movies, telling who stars in them, the basic story line, and when they are to be released.

Now, being single, I don't often go to the movie theatre by myself. On occasion, my sister and I will go. But most often, I wait until it is out on the TV pay per view thingie and watch in the comfort of my own home.

The popcorn is a lot cheaper, and the bathroom much closer.

But the cover of this particular issue razzle dazzled my eyes... Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland... ooooo, I can't wait! It is even being released as a 3D Imax film! The photo spread was very reminiscent of how things look when dropping acid, before the hallucinations really set in... Not that I speak from experience or anything. ahem

The ever fabulous Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter.

Can't you just see this being a fave costume for Halloween in 2010??

Helena Bonham Carter is the Red Queen... deliciously wicked, is she not?

Tweedledee and Tweedledum...

Anne Hathaway is elegant as the White Queen...

Some of the photos in this little spread made me realize that this probably isn't a film to take the little ones to see. And being a Tim Burton flick, you can bet it will have its own special twist!

If everyone cared...

Decisions, Decisions...

I'm just not sure which costume to pick for Halloween this year....

Lost and on your own

This morning, at stupid dark o'clock, as I was pulling out of my parking space in the back lane, a small shuffling movement caught my attention.


A plump, shiny brown furred body rummaged along the edge of my neighbour's parking space.

A rat, you would think. Well... kind of. This is a Muskrat. A variation of a field mouse, apparently, that has adapted to aquatic life in streams, ponds and lakes. It looks like a beaver's cousin but with a long narrow tail.

What the heck it was doing in the back lane is beyond me! The closest pond is a good 10 minute walk (for me) away. Quite the hike for this little fella.

Hope he finds his way back to where he belongs.

Received an email from Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You today... so I rang him up, got his voicemail and left a quick 'hi, how are ya?'

(This gorgeous photo of the Aurora Borealis was taken at a lake near to where he lives)

Well, whaddya know? That same Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You gave me a call back and we blathered on for well over an hour, having a lovely chat and learning all kinds of things about each other.


We spoke of distance, of secrets, of the Secret, of dreams and wishes, likes and dislikes, experiences that should never be repeated and those that should, articulation and ambiguity, and many other things... all the while knowing that we will see one another again.

Sometimes, life does things that we're not quite sure of, but sometimes, if you go with the flow, it all works out for the best. Will this? I have no idea... but I am going with the flow.

Will there be another chance?

No rest for the wicked?

Way too many things to do...

A cake to bake for a friend's 50th birthday.

The Manitoba Military Tattoo tomorrow afternoon with my sister... luv bagpipes!!!

The stairwell ceiling to rip apart and redo, with different angles to allow big bits of beds upstairs. It's a work in progress...

Laundry, washing floors, a cat to bathe... he's going to hate me for a short while! But he so needs his skin cleaned, poor old thing.

People to phone about business, appointments to make, bravery to find. (It's coming...)

A bed to disassemble, another to assemble, providing the boxspring makes it up the stairs tonight. Then to rearrange all the furniture in my room with the new (to me) stuff.

The dog to walk, the dog to brush, the dog's nails to grind down, the dog to bathe, the dog's teeth to brush, the dog's ears to clean... and the dog's bed to wash. The dog is a lot of work at times. Good thing I love her to bits! ;-)

Studying to do... blogs to follow... tweets to twit...

All this in the next 36 hours. And I think I have to find time to sleep in there somewhere.

Oh yeah, and perhaps a phone call or an email from Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You...

Speeding things up...

These guys are from eastern Canada - very upbeat! Love their sound!

Surreal-ality

Today is the fourth anniversary of the day my eldest sister died... horrifically, but almost instantly, in a head-on collision on a highway in the westernmost province in this fair land.

It still doesn't seem like she's gone. I still feel like I should be able to call her up and chitchat whenever I feel the ESP waves... We did that a lot, she and I. One of us would call, and the other would say, 'I was just thinking of you...' It happened much too often to just be coincidence, and I do that with my youngest sister now, too.

We were very close... closer than most sisters... the best of friends...

The fun we had together, the talks, the love and tenderness, the mentorship in life that she gave me... all have made me who I am today.

Today... and every day... I miss her.

What's a girl to do?

A lovely 'meet and greet' last week.... a hottie who likes me... but unfortunately lives 300+ kms away... a self-proclaimed 'land baron'... intelligent, intellectual, a smart ass... :-)

And what a kisser! Melt your knees kind of kissing... says he'll be back in town soon...

A 'meet and greet' from many months ago, emailing to ask me out for drinks... no expectations... just wants to get together... also a hottie... military man... gotta love a man in uniform... also intelligent and intellectual... :-)

And... if memory serves... also a great kisser...

Just not sure how I will handle this situation if both want to see me regularly... =\

A conundrum previously unexperienced... ever!

help?

Chicken

Sometimes, I baffle myself. I just don't understand how I work in the ways that I do, and the why of it.

Many times in my life, I have ventured into the unknown. I have left everything and everyone I have known and moved house and home (that would fit in my vehicle) to a locale hundreds or thousands of miles away to start a new life.

I have started new jobs and new careers, just diving right in and learning what I needed to know to get on with the work at hand. I've started a new way of life when my ex and I moved to a hobby farm and set up horse keeping and growing hay. A huge learning curve for us city slickers, a helluva lot of work, but no fear.

In the past two years, since the demise of my marriage (which I am perfectly fine with, by the way... it just was not the right relationship for me at all), I have gone on more 'meet and greets' than you can shake a stick at.

And I am comfortable with that. A bit nervous each time, yes... but still looking forward to each one, to see who and what will be sitting across from me and what will flow forth from his mouth, his brain, his heart. And to discover if I should continue or run away screaming... lol!

I mentioned a while back about the latest meet and greet, and that it went well (which it did). And within a few days, we'd had two dates, both of which I felt were comfortable. He told me I was 'something special' on several occasions. However, no fireworks, no great breathtaking moments, but some things in common and very pleasant. Somewhat reserved but was that just initial shyness?

The last date ended with the beginnings of snuggles and kisses. He tells me he had to go out of town for a couple days to look at some equipment for his business. No problem. Didn't bother me in the least. I knew what he did and that fit in completely. But since then.... incommunicado. Nada... zip... nothing. He's been online at the dating site... many times since.

I guess he just wasn't that into me. Fine. Whatever. No skin off my teeth. I had no emotional attachment. I'll just keep looking. Obviously he is too.

But the real confusion in me comes from my business venture. In my work as a nurse, I talk to people all the time, even about things very personal and uncomfortable. I have no qualms about doing that. I understand how to do it tactfully and gently, a bit of necessary prying at times to fill in the gaps. Comes with the territory, right?

So why can't I talk to people about my business? Why can I give great inspirational blurbs to Kaz about conquering fears, but I can't conquer my own? I know exactly what I need to do to get the ball rolling.

And yet... I am often vocally paralyzed. Some of this involves talking to people I don't know from Adam, and some of it is talking to people I do know. I have tremendous support in this business, and people who encourage me, and great training. I've been coached on what to say and what to do, how to proceed and how to answer questions. I. Know. What. To. Do. Dammit!

But it seems I am a great chicken. I've not yet grown the cajones to get this thing off the ground. I am thankful I have a job to keep the money coming in, and the business is part time. But perhaps if I didn't, I would be spurred on to get over my fears and build my business. Unfortunately, it would not be fiscally responsible of me at this time to do that. In all reality, that would be suicidal and I could potentially lose everything if I didn't get the ball rolling right away. I can't risk that. Not living on my own and having only one salary that barely covers expenses.

I am an enigma to myself. So frightfully brave in some aspects of life, and yet such a scaredy cat in others.

Aching Hearts

My dear friend, Mapstew, recently lost his older sister, Helen.

This month, on the 19th, marks the fourth anniversary of the tragic accidental death of my own eldest sister.

This song, for me, relays a bit of the importance of Laurel in my life, the impact she had, and the love that she shared.

Two truly magnificent women have left voids in the lives of many but remain forever encompassed in our hearts.

The fragility and frailty of the human species comes to light more and more often, the older we get.

There have been scares and crises in people's lives... people I consider important to me. People who are dear to my heart, although some are not physically near.

Strokes and TIAs, cancers, illness and surgeries, joints beyond repair and in need of replacement. The list just gets longer as time goes on.

I myself have not had major issues. I have had surgeries and damaged joints, nothing needing replacement at this time but things that definitely slow me down.

But what has hit me the hardest, is how we just never know when our number will be up. Even for those fighting the evil spread of mutating cells, you could win that battle and get run over by a bus.

You just never know.

I have realized that I need to be verbalizing how much people mean to me, how important seeing them is, and it has spurred me to make the time (when I can in a crazy-busy life) to spend time with family and friends and to tell them that I care about them.

It has also made me realize that I want my own quality of life to improve. So that I can enjoy the second half of my life (cuz I do want to be like my grandmother and get as close to 100 as I can - in decent health, of course) doing the things that I've not done up to now.

I want to meet some of the people I have met through this medium, to share a drink and a meal and some time swapping stories. To experience their little corner of the universe that I have only read about. To add to the relationship we have established online and make it more three dimensional. To let them know I have come to appreciate their wisdom and talent and humour in the written word. And that I wish to expand those relationships into true friendships that extend beyond cyberspace and into the real world.

Life is meant to be experienced to the fullest when we have the ability - both physically and mentally - to do so. Take the time earlier in your life to do that. Don't wait until you are 65 and retiring. Take trips now. Take your kids on trips. Have huge family gatherings. Reunions of relatives from near and far. Keep in touch with old chums from your school days. Don't lose out on the friendships that will last for the rest of your life, even though it means taking the time to stay in touch.

A lot of younger people (and older ones too) don't seem to realize that friendship is just like marriage - well, almost... - in that they both require effort on both parts to keep the relationship healthy and happy and fulfilling. Be honest and fair with both yourself and your family and friends, and you will have the richest life you could ever imagine. Be a good person, to everyone you know and may not yet know... The dividends you get paid back will be so much more than what you invested.

Perhaps I am just rambling on here, but in light of recent events with people I care about, I just felt the need to spill a bit of what has been rumbling around inside me.

To those I care about, to those I know a little or know a lot, just know that I love each and every one of you and wish only that you have rich and satisfying lives in whatever capacity best suits you. Make the most of each and every day. Wear your heart on your sleeve and let the light shine forth through your eyes and smile. The world will be a brighter place for it.

Getting Vocal

This is great fun! What talent these folks have. Enjoy! :-)

Flooding...

In the past three days, I have had more emails from guys on the singles' sites than in the past three months... go figure!

The meet and greet last weekend was a 'meh'.

The meet and greet last night was totally the opposite! Really nice guy... we spent almost fours hours sitting in a lounge, talking over a couple drinks and were both very pleasantly surprised when it was after 11 p.m.

We *will* be seeing each other again... and that pleases me. :-)

One 'Meh' and one 'Yowza!'

So... the meet and greet on Friday was the Meh. Didn't get vibes one way or another. He did a lot of talking, which was okay. Nothing worse than sitting with someone who isn't comfortable talking at all and having to carry the conversation all by myself!

We met at a local restaurant that has a nice lounge. Sat in the lounge for an hour and a half, had a drink and some finger food. Talked back and forth about inane stuff. Learned a bit about each other. Seemed like a nice enough guy. No weirdness emerged, so that was a good thing!

Haven't heard from him since... Whatever!

The Yowza! was the Keith Urban concert on Saturday evening. My younger sister and I met at the restaurant that is attached to the concert venue (local hockey arena/concert hall), had dinner (avocado spring rolls... oh my! delish!!!), yakked and people watched. We were sitting along a glass wall that looked into the hallway where all the doors into the arena seating opened. Watched security and other staff trundling back and forth, getting ready for the opening.

It was a sold out event - all 12,500 seats filled with screaming fans. Keith Urban is HOT!!! He can sing, he can play the guitar like a rock superstar, he writes his own songs, he's married to Nicole Kidman and he is one good looking hunk of man flesh! Snug jeans and short sleeved shirt (fitted) rounded out the picture quite nicely, thank you very much! Such a nice ass.... *sigh*

I still think my hearing is a bit off cuz it was loud but what a show! The stage had ramps down into the crowd on both sides and he made frequent use of them. There was a small satellite stage at the opposite end of the arena floor and he wandered through the crowd, playing his guitar, and spent some time down there singing several songs to the people who would normally be the farthest away from the stage.

At one point, he even jumped up into the stands right below where we were sitting but I only have a silly little Samsung mobile phone, so the pics are terrible and I can't seem to download them to my computer to see if I can zoom in at all. It was pretty cool, though. The guitar he was playing then (and he's got quite a few, both acoustic and electric) lit up all in coloured lights that switched colours and flashed with every change of chord.

He had all kinds of huge video screens so no matter where you sat, you got all the close-ups. Excellent crisp video feed, lots of lights and a light mist in air to keep things moist for those vocal chords. Everyone was in a bit of a fog that night... :-)

The crowd went wild! It was a great way to spend the evening. I love going to concerts and have really lucked out with some really good ones.

So no real juicy details to dish out about the meet and greet. Like I said before, no real expectations. It was pleasant... that's about all I can say about it.