Friday, 10 April 2009


Momentary contact

reactions amaze
hope surges briefly
longings, yearnings, achings
for that bright, intense flame
flurry of fear and trepidation
deep waves of sadness
underlying faint thankfulness
for nonresurrection

Still... too many what if's and if only's


  1. XL: Yeah... just some self inflicted, what started out as some innocent questions, turned into hoping there was still something there, with someone I once fell for.

    Thanks for your concern. It was a bit startling to discover how I still felt considering a fair bit of time has lapsed. It isn't meant to be. That makes me quite sad in some ways but also just a little bit thankful that I won't have the potential hurt to go through again.

    Still... well, you know.... if only.

  2. Those "if only" ones are haunting. [hug]

  3. Ah Ponita, chin up. We've all been there. Hugs.

  4. XL and Scarlet: Thanks for the hugs. It was just a resurfacing of emotions that I didn't think were still there... and it took me by surprise. I'm okay now.

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  6. Good morning Ponita,

    I don't know the depth of your haunting questions "what if" and "if only". I can read the sadness and sense the hurt.

    I wish I could take those haunting questions and drop them into a deep pit so they would never surface again.

    I'm at a loss to say anything other than, "I care, it's because of who you are that I do."


  7. U: When you wanted someone with your whole being, but knew it could never be, there are always questions that can't be answered on what could I have done to make it happen.

    But that was then. It was a resurgence of those emotions that took me by surprise, given the time that has passed.

    I think there will always be a bit of sadness in my heart because of that. So now it is wandering this planet, seeing if there is another who will capture my heart as strongly.

    Thank you, U, for your heartfelt kind words.

  8. It only means that you're an incredibly passionate and sensitive soul. I think that things happen for a reason, even though we don't always understand that reason. But we live, we learn, and we hope.

    Hope you will be okay. And I hope your niece's husband recovers well and that you enjoy the company of your visiting sister and friends. Happy Easter.

  9. Eros: I know *why* it couldn't work out... I just wasn't what he wanted/needed. As simple as that. That didn't change how I felt/feel about him, of course, but I do understand the why.

    I'll be fine. Thanks for everything, for being kind and concerned. I've made some very good friends here.

    Happy Easter to you too, and to everyone!

  10. We all self-inflict a bit. It does look like your hope is surging more than briefly. Maybe it is about to come back around for you. I hope so.
    I found you thru U's blog. :-)~Mary

  11. "Grand Passions" never die, and they don't fade away either. The embers glow for a lifetime...waiting for a new breath.

  12. Mary: Welcome! Ah, surge it did, but no, this one won't come back around.

    Jonas: ...Grand Passion... I was actually surprised by what I felt, as I thought it had faded, but I guess not. It is, however, going to have to fade, so that I can get on with my life... I won't inflict that on myself again in the future, though. I know now that it is not worth causing myself to relive that heartache.

  13. ((hugs)). But if you are passionate about something or someone then I think it is always worth the risk of trying. I've made a fool of meself on many an occassion, taking chances, but the odd time it pays off. And makes up for all the foolishness.

    A woman approached me at a gig over christmas. She had a big smile on her face and asked if I was Map? I told her that I was indeed Map And she asked if I knew who she was.
    Didn't have a clue!
    She told me her name.
    We were engaged to be married many moons ago. She changed her mind and married someone else, breaking my heart in the process.
    I think she was a bit upset that I didn't recognise her. Sometimes it's absolutely grand to have no feelings of any kind whatsoever for a certain person. Nothing. Nada.

    I think I may be over her.

  14. Map: That is hilarious! I do indeed think you have gotten over her. And then some!

    Thanks for the hugs... always welcome and sometimes needed.


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