My bestest and oldest (well, longest time but not oldest, cuz I am 9 months older) girlfriend, Debbie, once had a revealing conversation with her eldest daughter.
The daughter is now 21 and this conversation took place a couple of years ago, shortly after Debbie and I had been talking on the phone (she lives in Texas).
The gist of the conversation was... daughter states she is jealous of how long Debbie and I have been such good friends, how it seemed so easy for us, and how she (daughter) didn't have any friends like that.
Debbie looked at her and said that even friendships require effort to keep them alive and healthy. It doesn't just happen on it's own. You make the effort to keep in contact (especially for us because we have lived far away from one another for many years) and to let the friend know that you care. You are there for them if they need you. In whatever capacity you can manage.
You tell them you love them. You wish them happy birthday, you are the ear they need when they have to vent and the shoulder when they need to cry. You are there to share the laughs and the memories, and to make new ones as time goes on.
Her daughter had no idea. Debbie and I have been best buds for almost 37 years. We've had some rough times, just like any relationship. We even went for about 2 years without talking. And now, we can't even remember why!
But what it comes down to is, if you consider someone to be your friend, and you truly care about them, you will make the effort to keep in contact and to let them know that you care. Period. Distance doesn't matter. Especially nowadays with email and IMing, webcams and internet phone calls. Contact couldn't be any easier if you lived on the same street.
So just make sure that your friends... the ones you love... know that you feel that way... that they are important to you. Call them. Tell them. Because if you don't put any effort into the friendship, it will die a slow and lingering death. And one day you will wonder how you ever let that happen.
To all my friends, be they ones I have known for years or ones I have met recently through blogging, you are all important to me. I just wanted to say...
Hey friend! ;-)
ReplyDeleteMy last post was on similar lines.
I've come over all dewey eyed and damp like an oul tissue.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pony-doll. Many a true word indeed.
Map and Jimmy: The two of you know the true meaning of a friend... No matter if we never meet; you are considered friends of mine.
ReplyDeleteAnd I will flirt with either or both of you whenever I feel like it! ;-D
i love you, too, sugarpie! xoxox
ReplyDeleteOh goody... three in a bed.
ReplyDeleteSorry Map.. you'll have to wait in the bar for a few hours pal.
Savannah: Thanks, hon! (big hugs!)
ReplyDeleteJimmy: But if it is my bed, then I get to choose who the other two are... reet?
Pony doll.. Tis only the softness of the fairer sex that get's oul Jimmy boy smiling.
ReplyDeleteChoose wisely..
Jimmy: Perhaps, then, I won't share....
ReplyDeleteI liked reading this as I just reconnected with a childhood friend who lives in California on Facebook. I'm remembering how wonderful her mother was to me and how amazingly competent she was and it gives me warm-fuzzies.
ReplyDeleteAndrea: That's wonderful! I hope you can rekindle your friendship... it is so nice to share memories with someone from long ago.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the last paragraph, bloggy friend! :)
ReplyDeleteI've two friends from the Navy (40 years ago, yikes!) that are like brothers I never had. Sometimes it's years between meet-ups, but no matter, we just take up where we last left off.
XL: You are most welcome!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it nice how time just doesn't seem to matter in some relationships??? :-)
Hi Ponita,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the genuine honest warmth and sincerity you bring to this community. You strike me as someone with a great capacity for caring about others.
Thank you for allowing me to see that part of you.
U
Well, let me just say you're pretty awesome yourself, friend!
ReplyDeleteI do have friends that I grew up with, one I've known since before we were old enough for kindergarten! I have more than one best friend; and I'm still close to all of them. A lot I've known since grade school. Some I've met later in life; but they all are important to me. In some ways, they are closer to me than my own family. I like to think of them as the family I got to pick:)
Friendship does take work; but it's a lot of fun, and the pay off is wonderful and priceless. Thanks for being a good friend :)
P.S. I luv the new avatar pic! It's so mod and fun!
ReplyDelete*Grabs sofa blanket, pretends to be on the beach and twirls and dances for Ponita's entertainment*
U: I must apologize for not getting my lazy ass over to your blog.... but I have now done that and have added you to my reading list!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comments. I think one of my strengths is the connection I share with people I care about... and I am not at all afraid to show that. :-)
Eros: It's always nice to have good friends... as they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. I'm glad you have found enough friends to become your 'family.' And it is priceless!
PS... I was half as old then as I am now in that photo! Watch out for the coffee table! I don't want to have to pick you up off the floor after you wipe out, all tangled in the blanket. Of course, I would probably be laughing while I did it! ;-)
This is very thought-provoking and made me contemplate my own friendships.
ReplyDeleteI can understand Debbie's daughter's feelings. I have no friends like that, for a whole host of reasons, moving around, changing jobs, inertia, fear of commitment, the works. I make more effort now, but I'm conscious that it's maybe too late to form that type of friendship with anyone. I miss the depth of friendships like this.
Pon; has HE gone yet?, is it safe to come in? I know he gets a bit jealous. ;-]
ReplyDeleteMadame: I myself have lived in 5 different provinces (Canada) and two states (USA) in the time I have been friends with Debbie.
ReplyDeleteIt is never too late. My other best friend I met 10 years ago when I sold her a horse (my first horse) and we became instant friends. You just never know when you will meet someone like that... someone who totally clicks with you. Don't give up!
Map: *checks behind door and curtains*
The coast is clear... ;-)
What a great post, and a lovely sentiment!
ReplyDeleteTim: Thanks! How is the leg feeling?
ReplyDeleteI have some great friends that I manage to stick with thru thick and thin . Doesnt matter what happens , there they are hanging around like a nasty smell :-) and I wouldnt have it any other way.
ReplyDeleteBeast: They match your duvet, then....
ReplyDeleteHow's the home improvement goin'?
ReplyDeleteMago: It's slow.... there are no right angles in my house. :-( Which makes cutting the baseboards (skirting boards?) difficult for corners... But I am managing. Should be finished those tomorrow and then the door casing and a coat of paint over all trim to tidy it up! Then I can move my furniture back to where it is supposed to be... and bring my tv back. Thanks for asking! :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit better, ta! Still not perfect, but I think we're getting there (and all thoughts of stress fractures are disappearing!).
ReplyDelete