Wednesday, 18 January 2012

It's life, Jim... but not as I knew it.

I am in my second week of being back at work. That means, of course, that there are early mornings again, rising well before the dawn. (Well, at this time of year, anyway... summer is an entirely different animal.) So no longer can I just crawl back into bed after a trip to the toilet to empty that tiny bladder of mine at 5:30 a.m. That's the time the alarm goes off, so up I get. But this week, it is only three days. And the same next week. The following week will be four days. And a meeting to plan Phase B of my "graduated return to work."

It's going as expected. My shoulder gets tired and a bit achy, but given that I have the strength and endurance of a wet noodle, I'm actually doing okay. I do my exercises and stretches. I go see my physiotherapist once a week and let her poke and prod. Today, because my appointment with her was right after my three hour stint at the hospital, she decided to pop a bunch of acupuncture needles in my shoulder and neck to help with the tightness and discomfort. Seven hours later, it actually feels pretty good. Tomorrow might be another story, though. Sometimes the 'beaten up' feeling doesn't arrive until the following day. But that's what ice packs are for.

It's colder than a witch's tit here in the centre of Canada. The whole of the Prairies is under a huge icy cold air mass flowing down from the Arctic. It is -28C right now and the wind has died down to nothing so there is no wind chill value to report. Earlier it was -38C with the slight breeze that was blowing and for those who live in Fahrenheit Land, that is almost identical... -40 is the meeting point for C and F. Up in the northern part of the province, they've had wind chill values of -50C. Exposed flesh will freeze in 2 - 5 minutes at that temperature. Just so you men know, you don't pee outside in that kind of weather!

It has been one week now since the MoS decided that life as it had been was not what he wanted. I feel kinda lost. We spent every weekend together for so many months, and would talk virtually every evening during the week. All I can say is, I miss him very much.

Looking back, I guess there were signs. I think. But we talked about so many things, things we'd each experienced, fears we each had, things we were looking for, so I guess I wasn't expecting something like this. Because he'd been so open with me about so many things, being blindsided has completely floored me. I really don't know what to do other than just given him the space he seems to so desperately want.


Last January, my heart took a beating from the Long Haul Brit. This January, it's gotten trashed by the Man of Steel. I'm thinking I am going to keep it to myself from now on. I don't know if it can take any more of that.

8 comments:

  1. "I'm thinking I am going to keep it to myself from now on. I don't know if it can take any more of that.

    Nah, you don't wanna do THAT. Yeppers, heartaches hurt real bad. BUT, even so, they don't mean there are no POSSIBILITIES. 'Cuz there always are those...and we can never know just where and when we'll run right smack dab into something...profound.

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  2. work will sort itself out, sugar. as to your heart, know that you aren't alone... YOU HAVE US!!!! ;~)

    xoxoxoxoxoxo


    (i hope you laughed just then...)

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  3. don't base your future on only two (men!) of the past. :-( Keep your heart open.

    You is COLD up there. Wow. I'll stop complaining.

    Keep posting and expressing yourself and I agree with S.... you have us.

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  4. We're here and we're not leaving, no matter how many times you ask us to. :)

    Seriously, I know life will bring you joy when you least expect it. All that wonderful guy stuff in my last blog post? I left out the part where I met him due to blackmail. Childhood friend I'd introduced to another got chased so bad, he looked at me and said, "I'm gonna fix you!" He did...but a favor wasn't on his agenda.

    Work slowly so you don't hurt yourself! It finally got cold here today but after that post, I'm guessing it would've been merely cool for you.

    Take care...cause we care!

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  5. Everyone is right. Let some time pass and all that hurt will blow away like dust particles. And, for god's sake, don't look back for signs and reasons. It's an exercise in futility.

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  6. Yes - they are right. Especially UB about signs and reasons.
    As for MOS - his loss poor b-----d!

    What happens to the noses in those temps?
    Keep on being careful till you are good as new again.

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  7. I agree with the Unbearable Banishment. Stop trying to analyze. People say what they think is most expedient when breaking up with others. Trying to reconcile it with actual facts is just frustrating. That said, I have always found that writing about it helps me make some sense of it. No use at all, am I? :)

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