Friday, 30 October 2009
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Lost and on your own
This morning, at stupid dark o'clock, as I was pulling out of my parking space in the back lane, a small shuffling movement caught my attention.
A plump, shiny brown furred body rummaged along the edge of my neighbour's parking space.
A rat, you would think. Well... kind of. This is a Muskrat. A variation of a field mouse, apparently, that has adapted to aquatic life in streams, ponds and lakes. It looks like a beaver's cousin but with a long narrow tail.
What the heck it was doing in the back lane is beyond me! The closest pond is a good 10 minute walk (for me) away. Quite the hike for this little fella.
Hope he finds his way back to where he belongs.
A plump, shiny brown furred body rummaged along the edge of my neighbour's parking space.
A rat, you would think. Well... kind of. This is a Muskrat. A variation of a field mouse, apparently, that has adapted to aquatic life in streams, ponds and lakes. It looks like a beaver's cousin but with a long narrow tail.
What the heck it was doing in the back lane is beyond me! The closest pond is a good 10 minute walk (for me) away. Quite the hike for this little fella.
Hope he finds his way back to where he belongs.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Received an email from Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You today... so I rang him up, got his voicemail and left a quick 'hi, how are ya?'
(This gorgeous photo of the Aurora Borealis was taken at a lake near to where he lives)
Well, whaddya know? That same Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You gave me a call back and we blathered on for well over an hour, having a lovely chat and learning all kinds of things about each other.
We spoke of distance, of secrets, of the Secret, of dreams and wishes, likes and dislikes, experiences that should never be repeated and those that should, articulation and ambiguity, and many other things... all the while knowing that we will see one another again.
Sometimes, life does things that we're not quite sure of, but sometimes, if you go with the flow, it all works out for the best. Will this? I have no idea... but I am going with the flow.
(This gorgeous photo of the Aurora Borealis was taken at a lake near to where he lives)Well, whaddya know? That same Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You gave me a call back and we blathered on for well over an hour, having a lovely chat and learning all kinds of things about each other.
We spoke of distance, of secrets, of the Secret, of dreams and wishes, likes and dislikes, experiences that should never be repeated and those that should, articulation and ambiguity, and many other things... all the while knowing that we will see one another again.
Sometimes, life does things that we're not quite sure of, but sometimes, if you go with the flow, it all works out for the best. Will this? I have no idea... but I am going with the flow.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Saturday, 24 October 2009
No rest for the wicked?
Way too many things to do...
A cake to bake for a friend's 50th birthday.
The Manitoba Military Tattoo tomorrow afternoon with my sister... luv bagpipes!!!
The stairwell ceiling to rip apart and redo, with different angles to allow big bits of beds upstairs. It's a work in progress...
Laundry, washing floors, a cat to bathe... he's going to hate me for a short while! But he so needs his skin cleaned, poor old thing.
People to phone about business, appointments to make, bravery to find. (It's coming...)
A bed to disassemble, another to assemble, providing the boxspring makes it up the stairs tonight. Then to rearrange all the furniture in my room with the new (to me) stuff.
The dog to walk, the dog to brush, the dog's nails to grind down, the dog to bathe, the dog's teeth to brush, the dog's ears to clean... and the dog's bed to wash. The dog is a lot of work at times. Good thing I love her to bits! ;-)
Studying to do... blogs to follow... tweets to twit...
All this in the next 36 hours. And I think I have to find time to sleep in there somewhere.
Oh yeah, and perhaps a phone call or an email from Mr. I Don't Live Close Enough For Spontaneity But Still Find You Attractive And Want To Get To Know You...
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Monday, 19 October 2009
Surreal-ality
Today is the fourth anniversary of the day my eldest sister died... horrifically, but almost instantly, in a head-on collision on a highway in the westernmost province in this fair land.
It still doesn't seem like she's gone. I still feel like I should be able to call her up and chitchat whenever I feel the ESP waves... We did that a lot, she and I. One of us would call, and the other would say, 'I was just thinking of you...' It happened much too often to just be coincidence, and I do that with my youngest sister now, too.
We were very close... closer than most sisters... the best of friends...
The fun we had together, the talks, the love and tenderness, the mentorship in life that she gave me... all have made me who I am today.
Today... and every day... I miss her.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
What's a girl to do?
A lovely 'meet and greet' last week.... a hottie who likes me... but unfortunately lives 300+ kms away... a self-proclaimed 'land baron'... intelligent, intellectual, a smart ass... :-)
And what a kisser! Melt your knees kind of kissing... says he'll be back in town soon...
A 'meet and greet' from many months ago, emailing to ask me out for drinks... no expectations... just wants to get together... also a hottie... military man... gotta love a man in uniform... also intelligent and intellectual... :-)
And... if memory serves... also a great kisser...
Just not sure how I will handle this situation if both want to see me regularly... =\
A conundrum previously unexperienced... ever!
help?
And what a kisser! Melt your knees kind of kissing... says he'll be back in town soon...
A 'meet and greet' from many months ago, emailing to ask me out for drinks... no expectations... just wants to get together... also a hottie... military man... gotta love a man in uniform... also intelligent and intellectual... :-)
And... if memory serves... also a great kisser...
Just not sure how I will handle this situation if both want to see me regularly... =\
A conundrum previously unexperienced... ever!
help?
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Chicken
Sometimes, I baffle myself. I just don't understand how I work in the ways that I do, and the why of it.
Many times in my life, I have ventured into the unknown. I have left everything and everyone I have known and moved house and home (that would fit in my vehicle) to a locale hundreds or thousands of miles away to start a new life.
I have started new jobs and new careers, just diving right in and learning what I needed to know to get on with the work at hand. I've started a new way of life when my ex and I moved to a hobby farm and set up horse keeping and growing hay. A huge learning curve for us city slickers, a helluva lot of work, but no fear.
In the past two years, since the demise of my marriage (which I am perfectly fine with, by the way... it just was not the right relationship for me at all), I have gone on more 'meet and greets' than you can shake a stick at.
And I am comfortable with that. A bit nervous each time, yes... but still looking forward to each one, to see who and what will be sitting across from me and what will flow forth from his mouth, his brain, his heart. And to discover if I should continue or run away screaming... lol!
I mentioned a while back about the latest meet and greet, and that it went well (which it did). And within a few days, we'd had two dates, both of which I felt were comfortable. He told me I was 'something special' on several occasions. However, no fireworks, no great breathtaking moments, but some things in common and very pleasant. Somewhat reserved but was that just initial shyness?
The last date ended with the beginnings of snuggles and kisses. He tells me he had to go out of town for a couple days to look at some equipment for his business. No problem. Didn't bother me in the least. I knew what he did and that fit in completely. But since then.... incommunicado. Nada... zip... nothing. He's been online at the dating site... many times since.
I guess he just wasn't that into me. Fine. Whatever. No skin off my teeth. I had no emotional attachment. I'll just keep looking. Obviously he is too.
But the real confusion in me comes from my business venture. In my work as a nurse, I talk to people all the time, even about things very personal and uncomfortable. I have no qualms about doing that. I understand how to do it tactfully and gently, a bit of necessary prying at times to fill in the gaps. Comes with the territory, right?
So why can't I talk to people about my business? Why can I give great inspirational blurbs to Kaz about conquering fears, but I can't conquer my own? I know exactly what I need to do to get the ball rolling.
And yet... I am often vocally paralyzed. Some of this involves talking to people I don't know from Adam, and some of it is talking to people I do know. I have tremendous support in this business, and people who encourage me, and great training. I've been coached on what to say and what to do, how to proceed and how to answer questions. I. Know. What. To. Do. Dammit!
But it seems I am a great chicken. I've not yet grown the cajones to get this thing off the ground. I am thankful I have a job to keep the money coming in, and the business is part time. But perhaps if I didn't, I would be spurred on to get over my fears and build my business. Unfortunately, it would not be fiscally responsible of me at this time to do that. In all reality, that would be suicidal and I could potentially lose everything if I didn't get the ball rolling right away. I can't risk that. Not living on my own and having only one salary that barely covers expenses.
I am an enigma to myself. So frightfully brave in some aspects of life, and yet such a scaredy cat in others.
Many times in my life, I have ventured into the unknown. I have left everything and everyone I have known and moved house and home (that would fit in my vehicle) to a locale hundreds or thousands of miles away to start a new life.
I have started new jobs and new careers, just diving right in and learning what I needed to know to get on with the work at hand. I've started a new way of life when my ex and I moved to a hobby farm and set up horse keeping and growing hay. A huge learning curve for us city slickers, a helluva lot of work, but no fear.
In the past two years, since the demise of my marriage (which I am perfectly fine with, by the way... it just was not the right relationship for me at all), I have gone on more 'meet and greets' than you can shake a stick at.
And I am comfortable with that. A bit nervous each time, yes... but still looking forward to each one, to see who and what will be sitting across from me and what will flow forth from his mouth, his brain, his heart. And to discover if I should continue or run away screaming... lol!
I mentioned a while back about the latest meet and greet, and that it went well (which it did). And within a few days, we'd had two dates, both of which I felt were comfortable. He told me I was 'something special' on several occasions. However, no fireworks, no great breathtaking moments, but some things in common and very pleasant. Somewhat reserved but was that just initial shyness?
The last date ended with the beginnings of snuggles and kisses. He tells me he had to go out of town for a couple days to look at some equipment for his business. No problem. Didn't bother me in the least. I knew what he did and that fit in completely. But since then.... incommunicado. Nada... zip... nothing. He's been online at the dating site... many times since.
I guess he just wasn't that into me. Fine. Whatever. No skin off my teeth. I had no emotional attachment. I'll just keep looking. Obviously he is too.
But the real confusion in me comes from my business venture. In my work as a nurse, I talk to people all the time, even about things very personal and uncomfortable. I have no qualms about doing that. I understand how to do it tactfully and gently, a bit of necessary prying at times to fill in the gaps. Comes with the territory, right?
So why can't I talk to people about my business? Why can I give great inspirational blurbs to Kaz about conquering fears, but I can't conquer my own? I know exactly what I need to do to get the ball rolling.
And yet... I am often vocally paralyzed. Some of this involves talking to people I don't know from Adam, and some of it is talking to people I do know. I have tremendous support in this business, and people who encourage me, and great training. I've been coached on what to say and what to do, how to proceed and how to answer questions. I. Know. What. To. Do. Dammit!
But it seems I am a great chicken. I've not yet grown the cajones to get this thing off the ground. I am thankful I have a job to keep the money coming in, and the business is part time. But perhaps if I didn't, I would be spurred on to get over my fears and build my business. Unfortunately, it would not be fiscally responsible of me at this time to do that. In all reality, that would be suicidal and I could potentially lose everything if I didn't get the ball rolling right away. I can't risk that. Not living on my own and having only one salary that barely covers expenses.
I am an enigma to myself. So frightfully brave in some aspects of life, and yet such a scaredy cat in others.
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Aching Hearts
My dear friend, Mapstew, recently lost his older sister, Helen.
This month, on the 19th, marks the fourth anniversary of the tragic accidental death of my own eldest sister.
This song, for me, relays a bit of the importance of Laurel in my life, the impact she had, and the love that she shared.
Two truly magnificent women have left voids in the lives of many but remain forever encompassed in our hearts.
This month, on the 19th, marks the fourth anniversary of the tragic accidental death of my own eldest sister.
This song, for me, relays a bit of the importance of Laurel in my life, the impact she had, and the love that she shared.
Two truly magnificent women have left voids in the lives of many but remain forever encompassed in our hearts.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
The fragility and frailty of the human species comes to light more and more often, the older we get.
There have been scares and crises in people's lives... people I consider important to me. People who are dear to my heart, although some are not physically near.
Strokes and TIAs, cancers, illness and surgeries, joints beyond repair and in need of replacement. The list just gets longer as time goes on.
I myself have not had major issues. I have had surgeries and damaged joints, nothing needing replacement at this time but things that definitely slow me down.
But what has hit me the hardest, is how we just never know when our number will be up. Even for those fighting the evil spread of mutating cells, you could win that battle and get run over by a bus.
You just never know.
I have realized that I need to be verbalizing how much people mean to me, how important seeing them is, and it has spurred me to make the time (when I can in a crazy-busy life) to spend time with family and friends and to tell them that I care about them.
It has also made me realize that I want my own quality of life to improve. So that I can enjoy the second half of my life (cuz I do want to be like my grandmother and get as close to 100 as I can - in decent health, of course) doing the things that I've not done up to now.
I want to meet some of the people I have met through this medium, to share a drink and a meal and some time swapping stories. To experience their little corner of the universe that I have only read about. To add to the relationship we have established online and make it more three dimensional. To let them know I have come to appreciate their wisdom and talent and humour in the written word. And that I wish to expand those relationships into true friendships that extend beyond cyberspace and into the real world.
Life is meant to be experienced to the fullest when we have the ability - both physically and mentally - to do so. Take the time earlier in your life to do that. Don't wait until you are 65 and retiring. Take trips now. Take your kids on trips. Have huge family gatherings. Reunions of relatives from near and far. Keep in touch with old chums from your school days. Don't lose out on the friendships that will last for the rest of your life, even though it means taking the time to stay in touch.
A lot of younger people (and older ones too) don't seem to realize that friendship is just like marriage - well, almost... - in that they both require effort on both parts to keep the relationship healthy and happy and fulfilling. Be honest and fair with both yourself and your family and friends, and you will have the richest life you could ever imagine. Be a good person, to everyone you know and may not yet know... The dividends you get paid back will be so much more than what you invested.
Perhaps I am just rambling on here, but in light of recent events with people I care about, I just felt the need to spill a bit of what has been rumbling around inside me.
To those I care about, to those I know a little or know a lot, just know that I love each and every one of you and wish only that you have rich and satisfying lives in whatever capacity best suits you. Make the most of each and every day. Wear your heart on your sleeve and let the light shine forth through your eyes and smile. The world will be a brighter place for it.
There have been scares and crises in people's lives... people I consider important to me. People who are dear to my heart, although some are not physically near.
Strokes and TIAs, cancers, illness and surgeries, joints beyond repair and in need of replacement. The list just gets longer as time goes on.
I myself have not had major issues. I have had surgeries and damaged joints, nothing needing replacement at this time but things that definitely slow me down.
But what has hit me the hardest, is how we just never know when our number will be up. Even for those fighting the evil spread of mutating cells, you could win that battle and get run over by a bus.
You just never know.
I have realized that I need to be verbalizing how much people mean to me, how important seeing them is, and it has spurred me to make the time (when I can in a crazy-busy life) to spend time with family and friends and to tell them that I care about them.
It has also made me realize that I want my own quality of life to improve. So that I can enjoy the second half of my life (cuz I do want to be like my grandmother and get as close to 100 as I can - in decent health, of course) doing the things that I've not done up to now.
I want to meet some of the people I have met through this medium, to share a drink and a meal and some time swapping stories. To experience their little corner of the universe that I have only read about. To add to the relationship we have established online and make it more three dimensional. To let them know I have come to appreciate their wisdom and talent and humour in the written word. And that I wish to expand those relationships into true friendships that extend beyond cyberspace and into the real world.
Life is meant to be experienced to the fullest when we have the ability - both physically and mentally - to do so. Take the time earlier in your life to do that. Don't wait until you are 65 and retiring. Take trips now. Take your kids on trips. Have huge family gatherings. Reunions of relatives from near and far. Keep in touch with old chums from your school days. Don't lose out on the friendships that will last for the rest of your life, even though it means taking the time to stay in touch.
A lot of younger people (and older ones too) don't seem to realize that friendship is just like marriage - well, almost... - in that they both require effort on both parts to keep the relationship healthy and happy and fulfilling. Be honest and fair with both yourself and your family and friends, and you will have the richest life you could ever imagine. Be a good person, to everyone you know and may not yet know... The dividends you get paid back will be so much more than what you invested.
Perhaps I am just rambling on here, but in light of recent events with people I care about, I just felt the need to spill a bit of what has been rumbling around inside me.
To those I care about, to those I know a little or know a lot, just know that I love each and every one of you and wish only that you have rich and satisfying lives in whatever capacity best suits you. Make the most of each and every day. Wear your heart on your sleeve and let the light shine forth through your eyes and smile. The world will be a brighter place for it.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Flooding...
In the past three days, I have had more emails from guys on the singles' sites than in the past three months... go figure!
The meet and greet last weekend was a 'meh'.
The meet and greet last night was totally the opposite! Really nice guy... we spent almost fours hours sitting in a lounge, talking over a couple drinks and were both very pleasantly surprised when it was after 11 p.m.
We *will* be seeing each other again... and that pleases me. :-)
The meet and greet last weekend was a 'meh'.
The meet and greet last night was totally the opposite! Really nice guy... we spent almost fours hours sitting in a lounge, talking over a couple drinks and were both very pleasantly surprised when it was after 11 p.m.
We *will* be seeing each other again... and that pleases me. :-)
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