Saturday, 22 May 2010

Didn't stand a chance

For all my talk about staying off the Interwebs, getting a real life, and taking a break from the online dating world, I have to admit in that regard I am a big failure.

At least when it comes to the online dating thing.

I have actually been accomplishing things outside the computer world, with the time away from Cyberspace. And that's a good thing, all in all.

I have stayed away from things like Twitter... I've closed that window and don't miss it at all, but wasn't doing much on it in the past few months anyway. Just seemed kind of pointless, if you know what I mean. Life is bigger than 140 characters, isn't it?

I've popped around here and there to a few blogs, mostly just to read a bit, occasionally to leave a comment, but otherwise have steered clear of a lot of that. And I'm okay with it. Miss it a tiny bit, but not the amount of time it was eating up.

Facebook visits are brief, to catch up with the small group of friends and rellies that I have, and to play a few games of Wordscraper. Not much more than that.

The dating thing... well, that is the fly in the ointment for me. I just can't stay away for long. I think I lasted two whole days with no profile on any site. I now have one profile up, with no photos for public viewing, on one site. The other one remains closed. (I was on two for a while, you see.) I decided to run an experiment. I have private images on my profile and will only share them with someone once we've emailed and established mutual interest.

So far, that has happened with one guy. I must have scared him off, because he's not contacted me again, once he saw my photos. Guess I just wasn't what he was 'looking' for. No problem... everyone has their own tastes when it comes to physical attractiveness.

Today, I received an email from another man, who read my profile and said he was intrigued enough to want to know more about me. So I replied back (after reading his profile) that his profile seems interesting to me also, and yes, I'd be interested in knowing more about him as well.

It's almost like an addiction, this online dating phenomenon. You get hooked on the little interactions, the possibilities, the snippets of interest that flare and fizzle. But my experiment is this: I am not making first contact. I am waiting to see who actually reads my little profile and wants to know more. No more 'hi, how you doing?' emails in response to my dazzling smile and brilliant blue eyes. I'm looking to see who has a brain in their (big) head and actually wants to start a conversation. When someone (like the guy today) emails me something more than three words, something that shows he read my profile and can string words together to form coherent sentences (with proper spelling and grammar, to boot), then I respond.

I actually replied to one of those stupid 'hi how are you' emails the other day and asked the guy why he wouldn't actually say something to start an email conversation. He got all defensive and told me I was obviously looking for someone 65 - 75 years old. I guess he figures you gotta be old to want to talk to a woman... DELETE

So... we'll see where this all leads. Perhaps this is a better filter than having a gut response to a picture.


  1. XL: I'm actually doing fine... thanks for asking! xoxo

  2. ...yes, and I'm blogging at the weekend! My excuse is that I couldn't sleep because it's too hot.
    Anyhow, I like the sound of your plan.

  3. sounds like an excellent plan, sugar! xoxox

  4. We'll miss you, but it's understandable you want some you-without-the-'puter-time... I'm trying to do the same during the days on weekends... ha! :D

  5. I like a woman with a plan! :)

    Gee, imagine trying to get to know someone first, through we use to do, in the old days. [I'm not quite old enough to qualify for "dinosaur era".]

    You go girl! It's a good plan.

  6. I had a Twitter account for all of two weeks. I find the blogging is egomaniacal enough, thank you.

    Physical attraction is a base human need. It'll be difficult to take it out of the mix.

  7. Complete sentences, with proper grammar and spelling, sounds promising.

  8. Hello everyone! I woke to a flurry of comments... how lovely! I'm hoping it's a good plan. Time will tell.
    @UB - I agree that physical attraction is a basic human need, and it is in the mix, just not right off the hop.
    @Charlie: proper grammar and spelling, in complete sentences, gets extra brownie points with me!

  9. I knew you couldn't stay away from us for too long! :¬)

    And as someone we both know would say "The men of Canada must surely be blind"! :¬)


  10. Map: No, I couldn't stay away... I've made too many friends here in Cyberspace, but I did need to tone it down a bit. xoxo

  11. Sounds like a good plan, I may have to follow my own version. Take care and hope all works out.

  12. I can kind of see how this could be compelling (I won't say addicting), there's the curiosity aspect, the thrill of the chase... all that. I can see where it would be fun. Perhaps that is the key; keeping it light and fun with no expectations.

    Who knows, so you may be blogging your conundrum: "...I've got these three guys who I really click with and..."

  13. So ultimately it's about balance. Don't beat yourself up over it!

    But the online-dating thing: been there, done that (sort of). And, yes, it can be addictive. And, yes, so many men in particular seem to forget that the most important sex organ is the brain and that stimulating that is the most important thing you can do.

    I never minded this particular shortcoming of which so many women bitterly complained - less competition for me :-)

    I'm glad you're finding that there are still some men out there who are willing to make the effort - and I'm also glad to see you're still haunting this place too!

  14. Well, whatever you do, I wish you well. So long as you're happy with yourself and still take time to enjoy life and all the great things and people you have in your world, then you'll be fine.

  15. The question is, if you do end up finding Mr Right online, will you then be able to break the addiction? Srsly -- I house shopped for 5 years and when we FINALLY moved I had a helluva time leaving the real estate ads alone. :)


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