The toll

I have mentioned in some past post that I have fibromyalgia. There is always some part of me that hurts, and all the current medications that help with that hurting... well, I get every side effect known and just can't take them. And I won't take narcotics because I don't want to be a basket case that can't function. So I put up with it.

But some of the hallmarks of FMS (FibroMyalgia Syndrome) are the tiredness and also trouble sleeping. And I have both to varying degrees on any given day. I am finding it difficult to sometimes get done what needs to be done.

Like when I have to work (say the evening shift which starts at 3:30 p.m.), and there is housework or yardwork that needs to be done. Plus I have to walk the dog, make my lunch for work, iron my uniform... all things that most people don't think twice about. I can get one of those things done, along with walking the dog and going to work. Because the dog comes first. So I can do some laundry or cut the grass or do the dishes. And walk the dog, get ready for work and then head off to work. But not more than that. It is not that I couldn't force myself to do all those things... I have on occasion done just that when the need has arisen. But then I am so tired and unmotivated the next day.

So, with the renovations that I am doing on the house, plus all the other stuff in life, I am thinking that having a dog is adding a bit too much to my plate. Because everything else will go by the wayside so that he gets his walks every day (he dislikes using the yard as a toilet, and I can't blame him, really). I haven't gotten back to sanding the drywall and it just sits there. I need to get it done. There are things that need doing that I just don't have the get up and go to do.

So I am coming to the realization that I may need to take him back to the rescue place I got him from and see if we can find him another good home. In all reality he would be best suited to one or two retired people who are experienced with dogs that have anxiety issues. Because he certainly does. (That is another issue: his terror of thunderstorms has actually caused me to miss work: if it is at night and I am supposed to work the next day but I spend most of the night trying to keep him from going absolutely nuts, I can't function and actually feel ill if I don't get enough sleep and so have called in sick a few times.) Today, someone started their car on the street and the fan belt started squealing... and Teak got freaked out for a little while. Any loud sharp noise and he has a meltdown. Not to mention the thunder and fireworks. I bought one of those thundershirts but don't think it does much. I also picked up some tablets with valerian root that make him pretty sleepy, although not while it is thundering, but he settles quickly afterwards.

So, as much as I love him, I may need to rehome him. I have some long and hard thinking to do on this. It is not going to be an easy decision.