Monday, 13 April 2015

Busy busy busy

I've got enough work (read: repairs and renovations) in my house to keep me busy for the next 5 years. At least!

Patch the holes from running wires and installing new switches and outlets. The electrical is pretty much good to go until I get around to doing the kitchen reno (down the road a ways), at which time new outlets will need to be installed and things rearranged. And when it is warmer, I need to replace the outside motion activated light where I park.

Plus finish the basement. That involves all new drywall, paint and flooring. There are already new light fixtures throughout the basement. I need to install a new outside water tap that a hose can be attached to, as the old pipe was leaking and has been replaced to the wall inside but nothing run outside yet. And in that same area, redo the little (ancient... relatively speaking) window that the dryer vent runs through, to make things weather tight.

Move the wall in the little bathroom in the basement where that crack was (remember that?) as the drywall was torn out for that repair. The shower stall that was in that area will not be replaced, because I am going to move the wall in to build a work bench in the utility/furnace room so I have a place to do little things. I want to put peg board on the wall so the most commonly used tools will be readily available (had that in a previous house and loved it!) and easily seen.

There are trees to be cut down in the back yard as well this summer. I have ten (yes, you read that right) trees in a back yard that is about 29 x 40. It is way too crowded! Never mind the leaves that need to be raked up in the fall...

Which is probably a good thing, because things between the Old Fish and myself just got flushed down the drain. He told me early on that he had been in Special Ops in the army and that a Bad Thing had happened in January that caused him sleep issues. At Christmas he broke down and told me the actual incident (which I cannot repeat) and all its horrifying details. He suffers some PTSD because of what he had to do and when the date came and his nights became more disrupted, I was prepared for that. What I began to notice, mid February, was that physical contact began to disappear. Given that he drives truck five nights a week, and tries to sleep during the day, and has the PTSD thing, I could see the intimacy taking a nose dive for a while. But when even getting a hug became more remote and when it would happen, it was very brief, no lingering, just a quick snug and that was it, I began to wonder what was going on.

In March, things became more friend-like and less lover-like than ever. We still got along well and did lots of stuff together but I was feeling more like a roommate and reno buddy than a girlfriend. One evening, when he was off driving and I was using his laptop in front of the tv, the little pop-up notification for an email appeared in the corner of the screen. From Plenty of Fish, the dating site we had met on. Stating "it's a mutual match!", which only meant one thing. He was online, trolling the waters back on the pond, looking to snag a different fish.

I decided to do some detective work, and recalled that when his internet and router had issues a couple months ago, he'd had to get technical help and that involved resetting the password. He quipped that he made it easy (his dog's name) as he had problems remembering lots of passwords. So I tried that for his PoF account and there it was. Current activity. At that point I could read messages back to mid(ish) February (they only keep the past 29 days on the site). He had the occasional message (and had replied) at that point but no real conversations going on, so I just sat back and watched. It changed.

This past Saturday, when I was working the day shift, he gave his name and number to one woman, with instructions to call after 9:30 p.m. as he worked nights, but not that day because his daughter was coming over for a  BBQ (for some reason, he neglected to state that I would be there too). So on Sunday, I confronted him. He flat out denied it, stating that it wasn't him. I told him the manner of "speaking" in the messages was definitely him, as were all the little details of the renos he was doing in his house. He told me that all the other drivers know about the renos and one of them could have hacked his profile. (Yeah, like that's plausible.) Even today, he still denied that it was him, and he was surprised that I hacked his profile to spy on him. When I told him that I've had this experience before, he just looked at me. (Remember Maart? Turns out he spent the entire year that we dated chatting with the ladies online. What is with these guys???)

So I am packing up my stuff and my pets and heading back to my house. It will take a couple of days, due to my work schedule and as I have brought over more things than I thought (that cat tree takes up a lot of space in the back of the truck) but come Friday, it will be a done deal.

Now I really think I WILL become a crazy cat lady. At least I know they will appreciate me and won't cheat on me.


  1. Wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. Sigh.

    PTSD is a difficult thing to deal with, from both sides. The stories I've heard from wives is heartbreakingly the same: "He just isn't himself anymore." The sad thing is these soldiers comprehend that on some level, but even when they try, some can't push themselves to reach out in what we consider a "normal" way. Last week a soldier told me despite his best efforts, because he didn't WANT to be this way, his wife finally told him if he loved her, he'd let her go. He did...but I know it's tearing him up. So some seek normal in alcohol, drugs or worse.

    I'm sorry you've gotten caught up in a mess. Sad thing is, when PTSD is involved the "thing" at fault is some horrible, usually uncontrollable, event in the past. I hope your friend finds himself again...and understands what he's given up in you.

    Don't give up're a wonderful lady and some day a guy with a big heart will figure that out. xo

    1. Thanks, Hope. He seems very normal and calm, other than having no patience for idiots in customer service... but then, I think most of us have that issue. So I don't know if it was the PTSD that started the end and it just cascaded from there? Or it would have happened anyway? But hopefully he will find someone that won't suffer the same fate.

      For myself, I am now just content to live my little life in my little house with my little family of pets. The dating scene is on the back burner.

  2. [high-five] for the household renno progress.

    [hugs] for the other.

    PS: I personally don't buy the PTSD excuse myself since he was trolling on the side.

  3. Herrjehmine ...

    Just to be sure - you won't cut these trees by yerself, yes ?

  4. You are just awesome! You're getting the shit done.

    And FFS! What a lame arse! I'm with LX on this one, PTSD pfft.

    AND he couldn't even be honest and upfront about it.

    Good for you for moving out and not putting up with that bullshit. You rock girl. You might not feel like it now, but you are freakin' awesome!


  5. Apologies, I missed this post. So sorry to read about another B*&^^$££D messing with you.
    Chin up.


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